The next morning as I continued to write. I froze. Papers were strewn about my kitchen table. Yes, I write at the kitchen table (you can read about that here).
I tried to continue my words. The inspiration of the previous night had disappeared. What in the world was I doing? Why was I subjecting myself to this. How could I EVER merge 2 random articles (that didn’t seem to mix in my brain yet) into something that was informative?
Did I really want to even do this? Was the promise of the paycheck worth it? Would they accept my southern, slightly snarky, medical-ease writing style?
I may be a registered nurse with 16 years of experience…but these people are DOCTORS with so many initials after their name I had to Google them to even figure out what they meant (hint, yes, they’re really smart and educated).
The condition of being unable to think of what to write or how to proceed with writing.Google Dictionary
Writer’s block, according to Google, is now a condition. As a nurse, I like this. Conditions are similar to diagnoses. Diagnoses can be treated. Cures can be found. Simple!?
I hope you’re laughing, because, yeah…we all know better than that. I like how Jonathan Greene turned a condition into what it really is. It is a feeling, a state of mind…
When you say you have writer’s block, what are you really feeling? A block comes from somewhere. And often times it’s not actually a block. It’s a fear. And that fear is the thing that makes it more difficult for us to be creative.
The technical writing wasn’t the hardest part. It was the fear and insecurity about who I am. That was the real fear. Not the 2k words, not even the strict SEO guidelines with a difficult key phrase to integrate exactly 11 times. It was a fear of worthiness.
Am I really worthy to add my words to such a website? Will they even accept me.
Panicking and running (ok, I mean not writing) was what I wanted to do. But if I do that every single time I am offered a difficult freelance assignment, then I might as well close my computer and just quit now.
I had to at least try. I may not be a good enough writer for this company, but I will never know unless I at least attempt it. I had to at least give it a chance.
Write one word, and then another. Write a sentence until it becomes a paragraph. Keeping writing paragraph after paragraph until the requirement is met.
Like a train stuck at the station, I found the more I wrote the more I the easier it became to keep writing. The wheels in my head gradually became unstuck, and words began to flow.
I don’t want to miss any more “opportunities, jobs, and relationships” because I am listening to the fears that I am not worthy.