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Don’t Do It

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Don’t Do It

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On Tuesday, Kate Spade died from suicide. I predicted people would spend the next few days tweeting the suicide hotline number. Then we will go back to pretending that mental illness is a choice and not an actual thing that people suffer from and need treatment for.

But today on Friday morning Anthony Bourdain was also found dead from the same affliction. He killed himself.

I’m devastated by both of their stories because I know this pain. Yet so many people have commented that this is a selfish act. To say that is nothing short of infuriating.

I’ve only been suicidal once and it was during the time right before my yoga teacher training. It was during that time that literally nothing was working (I was trying several medications and talk therapy) and coincidentally the same week I broke up with my therapist. He had no idea I was feeling that hopeless. I also didn’t want to be honest because a 5150 hold seemed highly inconvenient and I had to work. Our breakup happened because in his words I “wasn’t getting any better”. We saw each other twice a month for six months.

These visits also weren’t cheap nor were they covered by insurance. They cost $250 each visit. If I got to a certain amount it went toward a deductible and I would get reimbursed. But lol depression brain has no time for such tedious tasks. So it was a huge waste of money.

I have been told a million times that I dont act or look like someone who is depressed. And when I have been visibly anxious or depressed people honestly dont really know how to respond. So most of us have learned how to mirror what we wish we felt like to mask our symptoms on the bad days.

I dont know what Kate Spade was going through but I know it likely wasn’t an easy decision to end her life. I know she fought hard to stick around and that her suffering outweighed the pain the family she left behind would endure.

A tabloid report and statement from Spade’s sister claimed that Kate Spade “refused to get treatment” and suffered for years. An official statement from her husband states she was in fact seeking help for years.

Suicide sucks. I’m not going to share the hotline because to be very blunt it’s a trash resource.

But I encourage people to be open and supportive of their loved ones who may be struggling in silence.

Pay attention to your loved ones and their depression symptoms and read between the lines. But most importantly offer compassion everyone you encounter regardless of how shitty they might be.

Depression manifests in all forms.

Obviously I’m writing this because I didnt do it. But know it has nothing to do with being selfish for those who can’t overcome.

For anyone reading this who needs it…it gets better. Maybe not right away but eventually.

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